


and it tempts me to believe

by absolutelywrite



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 13:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2813582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absolutelywrite/pseuds/absolutelywrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twelve moments Ianto Jones didn't need the stopwatch to keep time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and it tempts me to believe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SnackerJack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnackerJack/gifts).



12.

 

There are exactly twelve freckles scattered across Jack’s shoulders. Ianto knows them well, likes tracing them with his fingers and tongue, mapping out constellations while they’re lying curled around each other at night. He wonders sometimes if Jack misses it, the freedom of travelling planets and galaxies, then remembers with a pang the months that the Torchwood team had thought he'd abandoned them for good. He isn't so selfless that he can just wish Jack the best and let him go, not when Jack is here and trying to make good on his promise to stay.

Ianto still isn’t sure if he should believe it or not. Sometimes, lying awake at night, he considers what he would do if a similar choice were offered to him.

But then, it’s hard for him to see those distant stars when Jack is a shining, larger than life presence right here beside him.

 

11.

 

One day, after returning from an office supply run (typical everyday supplies for around the Hub: pens, paper, printer ink, gun oil, ammo, etc.) Ianto finds a bouquet of eleven red tulips waiting on his desk in the Tourist Information Centre and has to fight to hide a genuine smile. This isn’t the first time Jack has sent him flowers. Despite the fact that he’s stated repeatedly that he doesn’t see the point in over-done romantic gestures, and what is he going to do with a bunch of flowers anyway, the habit persists. It seems to be another of those 21st century dating customs that Jack finds inexplicably erotic and, well... Ianto isn’t above taking advantage of the perks.

By the time Jack makes his way to the Tourist Centre at the end of the day, the tulips are in a tastefully minimalist vase on the corner of his desk. And it’s all worth it just for the moment he catches Jack’s gleaming eyes over the red petals and offers his most deadpan smirk.

They were quite lovely though. The flowers, that is. It's a shame that Jack knocks the vase over and sends them tumbling to the floor as he hastily tries to help Ianto out of his suit jacket without breaking their kiss.

 

10.

 

There have been ten times they've had sex in the Hub. Well, ten times they were caught. Ianto has never been one to kiss and tell.

But he will say that Jack continues to cheat at naked hide and seek.

 

9.

 

Ianto has never been good at anniversaries. Even so, as long as he lives, this is the one he will never forget. Jack catches him momentarily off-guard by remembering as well, although he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. He is rather touched when Jack is the one to fill out the paperwork for both of them to take the day off (technically Jack is “on-call” and he’ll be constantly in touch with Gwen back at the Hub, but it’s the thought that counts).

The drive to London is a sombre one. Ianto spends most of it feeling as though a vice is wrapped around his throat, a visceral pressure that forces his voice back down into the echoing, hollow cavity of his chest. But after what seems like no time at all, they're pulling up in front of the cemetery and walking towards the Garden of Rest. He wasn't permitted to purchase a plaque, of course. Ianto is lucky they allowed him to take her remains at all, let alone bring them to a public location like this.

This is where he scattered Lisa's ashes.

It’s been about nine months since Ianto’s disastrous attempt to revive Lisa Hallett in the Hub basement and he can still remember every second of it, still sees it play out in his nightmares and finds the horrific images imprinted on his eyelids even while awake. It’s also the one year anniversary of the Battle at Canary Wharf. And the day that he lost her forever.

However, as much as those memories are still so vivid in his mind, the nightmares come increasingly infrequently now. Healing takes time, or so they tell him, but Ianto can feel the progress he's made in the past few months in his bones, like an oppressive shadow over him slowly being lifted.

He stands in front of the Garden, admiring the beds of heather and brightly coloured flowers, thinking about how much Lisa would have loved them. He's so submersed is his own thoughts, that he hardly registers Jack's steady presence behind him, waiting patiently while he pays his respects. It isn't until a hand comes to rest gently on his arm that he comes back to himself and realizes the weather has taken a turn for the worse. He's shivering. Ianto assumes it shows on his face, how utterly lost and bereft he feels, because Jack takes him by the elbow and guides him back to the car. For a moment, he's torn between the urge to pull away and an uncertain need to lean into the touch. But Jack’s presence at his side is calm and undemanding, it makes something soft and bright unfurl inside Ianto’s ribcage and it warms him, despite the cutting wind. So he let's himself be led.

They make a detour en route back to the Hub and stop by the Canary Wharf Memorial. It’s not public knowledge of course, but it was erected in remembrance of the people of Torchwood One and the civilians who died in the battle. Jack leaves a single yellow rose at the foot of the monument and they start the drive back to Cardiff.

 

8.

 

Jack doesn’t seem to require as much sleep as the average human being, although truth be told that's a bit rich coming from workaholic, insomniac Ianto, who rarely gets more than five hours a night. Regardless, it’s not often he gets to catch Jack sleeping. But sometimes in the mornings, if he wakes up early and lies there quietly, he might be rewarded with a few precious minutes where he can patiently observe the dawn light creeping across Jack's sleeping face. The man is such a light sleeper though, it never lasts more than eight minutes, no matter how hard Ianto tries to keep still.

There are so many clichéd things that people say about seeing another person at rest: they look peaceful, carefree, relaxed, unburdened. There's some truth to that, perhaps. With Jack however, the lines on his face don't vanish into peaceful slumber; they remain etched in shadow on his otherwise youthful face. It has an eery effect, seeing the contradiction of his long life laid out like the pages of a book.

All of these things are empirically, objectively true but mostly Ianto just thinks Jack looks very, very young underneath it all. And he knows that he would follow Jack to the end of the universe and will protect him in any way he can.

 

7.

 

To Ianto’s chagrin, it's a a pack of weevils that bear witness to the first time he initiates a kiss with Jack. That's not to say that he doesn't ever take the initiative in their relationship, certainly, but there's still a small part of him that's wary of being rebuffed, afraid that he's reading to much into Jacks reactions and that if he puts his faith in this thing between them, all he'll be left with is heartbreak.

This is the first time he hasn't hesitated, just surged forward and met Jack head on, nipping gently at Jack's lips until they parted and he slid his tongue inside.

And all while seven weevils watch from the holding cells with disinterest.

 

6.

 

Six days a week, Ianto wakes Jack with two things. Firstly, a mug of coffee just how he likes it: piping hot, with a captivating aroma, robust bittersweet taste, full body and long, lingering finish. And secondly, a kiss also just the way Jack likes it. In fact, much of the same could be said for the way Jack likes his kisses, frankly.

But Sunday is the one day Ianto luxuriates in sleeping in. He has done ever since he was a kid. So on Sundays Jack likes to surprise him with breakfast in bed. Not usually one for doing a lot of cooking, Jack has an unexpected and unparalleled talent for turning out a delicious breakfast spread. They laze around in bed all morning and then fill the afternoon with little tasks and chores. It's surprisingly... domestic. Ianto is shocked by how easily he falls into this pattern with Jack. He's never been the kind who shared his own space willingly, couldn't stand having room mates or even too-friendly neighbours. But Jack makes it all so irresistibly tempting to lounge in bed all morning and waste away the afternoon in idleness.

Sundays are Ianto’s favourite days.

 

5.

 

It's been five months since they started officially dating. Somehow, even seeing the date on his calendar doesn't make it feel real. It's a nebulous, slippery thought that’s constantly slipping through his fingers like brightly glittering drops of water.

 

4.

 

Something feels different. It has for a while, a niggling feeling in the back of Ianto’s mind. But he doesn't realize what it is until he catches himself humming under his breath while he sorts the brochures in the Tourist Centre.

He's happy. Not just happy but consistently, reliably content in a way that he hasn't been in months. Of course, there's still the stress and risks that come with working at Torchwood. But under that surface tension, he's just happy.

Halfway through humming _In the Mood_ for the fourth time, he gives up on overanalyzing this feeling. The destruction of Torchwood One and the hellish months that followed taught Ianto that sometimes you just have to take each day as it comes because thinking about the future is overwhelmingly bleak. But now... he thinks he’s beginning to have hope again.

 

3.

 

It takes exactly three minutes to brew the effect cup of tea. Ianto knows this. He has tea brewing down to a science; if anyone could brew a cuppa that would make a grown man weep, it would be Ianto Jones.

It takes approximately 25 minutes for the perfectly brewed tea to go cold as Jack distracts him by showing his... appreciation.

 

2.

 

Ianto hasn't said "I love you," yet; Jack hasn't said the words either, in all fairness. But Ianto is long past the stage of worrying whether Jack cares about him at all. He knows where they stand and he's no longer afraid of rejection. He knows that he can rely on Jack for absolutely, would trust him with his life and more. And he has done, on more than one occasion.

He knows that he loves Jack. He doesn't need a handful of magic words to make those feelings real. But at the same time, he not quite sure he's ready to say them out loud. Ianto never was one to care about arbitrary romantic traditions, and this thing with Jack has defied every neat and tidy box he's tried to put it in. And as much as he thinks their relationship wouldn't change, that what they've built is strong enough to survive against all the odds... there is a lingering trepidation that he can't quite shake.

He's almost said the words, precisely two times. The first was falling sleeping one night, limbs intertwined, resting his chin on Jack's shoulder, soft locks of hair tickling his forehead. The second was paying for takeaway to bring back to the Hub, when Jack remembered to order the spring rolls Ianto likes. They're both such small inconsequential moments. But he almost whispers "I love you," into the safety of Jack's neck, and very nearly blurts it out again in a local Chinese restaurant.

Someday he'll do it, stumble his way into saying those three little words while they complain about the weather or bicker over what film to watch one evening.

But not yet.

 

1.

 

One second is all he needs to catch his breath, forehead resting against Jack’s as they breathe in the same air under the mistletoe, the string of fairy lights that Tosh and Gwen had put up last week twinkling in the corner of his eyes. Then Owen wolf whistles and Jack shouts for him to scram before he winds up with Rift Monitoring Duty every night for the next week.

The moment is broken but Jack is smiling and Ianto can't help but return it with one of his own. Jack’s hand finds his and they make their way together to where the others are celebrating with champagne and cookies shaped like Christmas trees and reindeer, although many of them are decidedly blob-shaped. Ten minutes later the Rift Alarm blares and they’re off again, but for now they can enjoy this quiet moment surrounded by light and festive cheer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my Torchwood Secret Santa gift for [perianfrost](http://www.perianfrost.tumblr.com) on tumblr! I tried to keep it light and fluffy but everything I write has this unfortunate tendency to stray into bittersweet angst territory ;) In any case, I hope you enjoy it~


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